Saturday, November 9, 2013


As 2013 is nearing the end, I stop to reflect on the events that took place in my life, and those that didn't. 

I can remember so clearly January 2013, taking a moment to sit with myself and write my goals for the year. I was certain they would all be met. Then April came around and my list was no where to be found. She was somewhere by herself on a long forgotten notepad. Perhaps it became a coaster for my morning coffee cup. Although not in my presence and maybe in a rubble of scrap writings I tend to collect, she was always on my mind. I knew what I had written months before. The Chinese I was going to learn, the keyboard; yeah, yeah I was going to learn the keyboard, and those stubborn last 10 lbs - they were gone.

Then came July. Crap! JULY! My long-lost list, no where to be found. She was so powerful in January. She had electrified me, beamed me up and made me feel invincible. But I had put her aside to handle life. You see, I couldn't foresee what was ahead. I didn't know what I would experience in 2013. I had it all planned out! But, there were other lessons for me to learn first - I guess.  Like how to handle a career that is on fire and successfully keep your 24 year marriage alive and well and the children, the reason for life, how to make sure they feel your love and presence - for my husband and children I am most thankful. And, how to handle friends that let you down. How to handle the piercing words that are shot at you like a fiery dart by the ones you thought to be the closest to you. How to accept that you aren't as great as you tried to be in others eyes. That all your efforts, weren't enough to some.

Then there was the graduation ceremony.  My little girl, the one I cradled in my arms- graduating from high school, and that boyfriend break-up (oy vey), and my son getting engaged to be married (faints)! Or losing my gallbladder! What the heck? My gallbladder?!!

I didn't know this year was going to be the year I would learn to let go of others expectations of me, to not just acknowledge, but to accept others opinions of me; their perception of me. I didn't know this was the year I didn't call back. I didn't text back. I didn't know I was going to have to dig real deep to find my dignity. I didn't know I was going to have to learn to stand up proudly and say, "this is me, and in me, I am proud."

I found myself this year. Not that I didn't know myself before. I did. I passed that stage. I'm talking about the "me" that says, "so what, I am who I am!" At all cost. And those who chose to take a seat in my train, must do it with love, compassion and a desire to wish me well. I'm on the other side now, and it feels great!

Life has a way of putting you through a dryer cycle but I know that God is in control. I've trusted him since I was 11 years old. There wasn't a day I didn't pray. I was in constant communication with the Man upstairs. I knew he had my back and I knew I would pull through the upsets.The lesson: Always rise above your situation. Always know that God can see you through and most of all, never give up on your dreams.

January 2013 held many promises then, but today, I realize although I set those goals, I wasn't ready yet. I still had some clearing out to do.

It's November now. Did I meet some of my goals? Of course. Will I transfer the ones I didn't meet to 2014? Of course......