I CAN'T SAY IT WAS A CRAPPY YEAR. AFTERALL, I'M STILL HERE AND I LOVE IT!

As 2013 is nearing the end, I stop to reflect on the events that took place in my life, and those that didn't. 

I can remember so clearly January 2013, taking a moment to sit with myself and write my goals for the year. I was certain they would all be met. Then April came around and my list was no where to be found. She was somewhere by herself on a long forgotten notepad. Perhaps it became a coaster for my morning coffee cup. Although not in my presence and maybe in a rubble of scrap writings I tend to collect, she was always on my mind. I knew what I had written months before. The Chinese I was going to learn, the keyboard; yeah, yeah I was going to learn the keyboard, and those stubborn last 10 lbs - they were gone.

Then came July. Crap! JULY! My long-lost list, no where to be found. She was so powerful in January. She had electrified me, beamed me up and made me feel invincible. But I had put her aside to handle life. You see, I couldn't foresee what was ahead. I didn't know what I would experience in 2013. I had it all planned out! But, there were other lessons for me to learn first - I guess.  Like how to handle a career that is on fire and successfully keep your 24 year marriage alive and well and the children, the reason for life, how to make sure they feel your love and presence - for my husband and children I am most thankful. And, how to handle friends that let you down. How to handle the piercing words that are shot at you like a fiery dart by the ones you thought to be the closest to you. How to accept that you aren't as great as you tried to be in others eyes. That all your efforts, weren't enough to some.

Then there was the graduation ceremony.  My little girl, the one I cradled in my arms- graduating from high school, and that boyfriend break-up (oy vey), and my son getting engaged to be married (faints)! Or losing my gallbladder! What the heck? My gallbladder?!!

I didn't know this year was going to be the year I would learn to let go of others expectations of me, to not just acknowledge, but to accept others opinions of me; their perception of me. I didn't know this was the year I didn't call back. I didn't text back. I didn't know I was going to have to dig real deep to find my dignity. I didn't know I was going to have to learn to stand up proudly and say, "this is me, and in me, I am proud."

I found myself this year. Not that I didn't know myself before. I did. I passed that stage. I'm talking about the "me" that says, "so what, I am who I am!" At all cost. And those who chose to take a seat in my train, must do it with love, compassion and a desire to wish me well. I'm on the other side now, and it feels great!

Life has a way of putting you through a dryer cycle but I know that God is in control. I've trusted him since I was 11 years old. There wasn't a day I didn't pray. I was in constant communication with the Man upstairs. I knew he had my back and I knew I would pull through the upsets.The lesson: Always rise above your situation. Always know that God can see you through and most of all, never give up on your dreams.

January 2013 held many promises then, but today, I realize although I set those goals, I wasn't ready yet. I still had some clearing out to do.

It's November now. Did I meet some of my goals? Of course. Will I transfer the ones I didn't meet to 2014? Of course......

LIVE THE AMAZING LIFE YOU ARE ENTITLED TO!

(This is an article I wrote for the website Heal My PTSD with Michele Rosenthal)

The word “difficult” is not big enough to describe how tough it is to divulge my deepest pain. If my book WAR DAD wasn’t going to help thousands of women and girls that are affected by soldiers with PTSD coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan, I would have never told my story. 

Currently more than 100,000 American troops are in Iraq and Afghanistan. An estimated three hundred thousand are living with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Nearly a third of our soldiers develop serious mental problems three to four months after coming home. Many soldiers live with PTSD, amputations, mental and emotional instabilities in silence. About one-third of children of deployed American soldiers are at risk for developing psychological problems, mainly due to high levels of stress experienced at home. Many wives of veterans report experiencing more acts of family violence. This proves that there is secondary trauma to the family, especially the children. I was one of them.

 When my “WAR DAD” came back from Vietnam, he was violent, angry, volatile, psychotic, a drug addict, a woman beater, a womanizer, a criminal, and a danger to me, himself, and, most of all, society. It’s ironic how we never hear about this stuff on the evening news.

At a young age, I knew my life was not normal. I knew that I was going to have to overcome this trauma or it would destroy me and my life. Although it wasn’t me suffering from PTSD, I still had to learn how to overcome the pain that is associated with being a daughter of a sufferer.  There was a point when I had to cut ties with my dad for my safety and sanity. I had to search deep down into my soul and discover the strength that God offers each one of us. And through that strength and constant reassurance that everything was going to be fine, I survived.

The good book tells us that we are all deserving of a great life. A life filled with joy, peace and wonderful things. I believed that and I had to get it. There was so much in life I wanted to do, so much I wanted to see and experience. I knew that if I hung onto the past I would be crippled for life. I’ve seen it happen to so many people. So I decided to take control. I made a choice to erase the past and take on a new way of thinking. I wanted to reach out to others in need and in doing so, be filled with happiness and joy in my heart knowing that I was not useless.  No one is promised a long life. I’m here to say that we should stop swimming in our own sorrow. We should get out there and help the poor, the needy, and the kids who don’t have parents or who need mentors. We should go anywhere where we can bring hope.

All the turmoil I experienced has made me strive to be better than what was expected

for me. I refused to be a statistic! I know so many people who have always had everything they have ever wanted since childhood, and now they take life for granted. They live their lives making excuses for not achieving their goals. They always blame someone else for their mistakes and misfortunes. We need to believe that we are entitled to a good life, and we should strive to reach that goal. You will never forget what you went through or the pain you felt, but you must live each day unaffected. Erase it from your thoughts! You cannot allow yourself to go there. Don’t carry any baggage during your journey here on earth, especially someone else’s! Fix your eyes on the good in this world. You must live each day as a winner! A survivor! Each day, you must march forward. And no matter what happens, don’t ever look back.

I may not know all things about life, and there are many places I have not yet been and opportunities I did not have, but, regardless, I am sure of one thing: There is an inner strength that God provide for all who want it. It is real and it is what saved me!

Author Bio: JUJU SANDS is a motivational speaker and author. She has spent years providing one-on-one spiritual counseling and concentrates on teaching and coaching women to live an amazing life.  JUJU is currently reaching out to teens in junior high and high schools and bringing her message of hope through a new project called, “The Be Amazing Project” created specifically for the young which motivates them to think bigger and set expectations for themselves.  She is also reaching out to women of all ages and sharing her story of hope in order to create motivation in women to live the life they deserve.

She lives in Southern California with her husband of 20 years, two children, and two dogs.

Visit JUJU SANDS at: www.jujusands.com   www.wardad.com  www.facebook.com/jujusands   www.twitter.com/jujusands