December 21, 2011 by Wesley Perkins  (click to see a picture)

 

I  have PTSD

I was a Marine and I was a soldier

I served my country with honor, both in peacetime as well as in war

I’ve been called “hero” but I simply followed orders

I did so voluntarily, for tradition and to serve our great nation

The “heroes” are my fallen brothers and sisters who will never return home

Not a day goes by that I don’t see their faces and hear their voices

Not a night goes by without the same

I scream the same question, over and over every day, yet no one can hear

Why did I get to come back? I’m nobody special

I see the pain in the faces of families of the fallen

They are sons, daughters, wives and husbands

They will never again get to see their loved ones, as I get to do every day

What makes me so special?

I want so bad to take their pain away, but there is nothing i can do

I can’t help but constantly remember….that could’ve been me

I used to love to sleep at night

But now i know that’s when the demons come

My wife, she loves me, yet cannot sleep with me at night

I wake startled in the middle of the night…….it’s so dark and quiet and no one to say…”It’s all right”

I have to take a pill every night and hope….will I sleep well tonight?

I already know the answer…it’s going to be a fight.

I try to talk about it, but the words are hard to come by

I push the ones who love me away and think I’m protecting them

All the while screaming for their loving embrace

This thing I have, it strains my marriage

it threatens to take what little I have

I want to scream “Please help me!”

But i don’t know how to do that

I have been laughed at for having this, even by those I thought I could trust

When people ask and I tell them I’m a disabled veteran, I see their eyes gaze up and down

I wonder what they are thinking, so then I explain it yet again

Not all wounds are visible; this one is hardest to treat

I see my counselors and talk to other vets, those who will understand

I know i will have this for the rest of my life

And so i cope with it, morning, noon and night

I hope everyone reads this, and maybe someone it will help

Because it takes a lot of courage to stand up and say……

“I have PTSD….can someone please help?”

Wesley Perkins is an Operation Iraq Freedom and Operation Enduring Freedom Veteran. In his free time, he speaks to students and others about PTSD and its effects on Veterans and their families.

WHAT CHANGES ARE YOU FACING? NO REGRETS, PLEASE!

December is here. Where did the year go? Are you satisfied with what you’ve accomplished in 2011? Did you fail at certain things? Did you procrastinate and are now realizing that the year is nearly over? Don’t you hate when that happens? There are things I wanted to do this year too, but I never got around to them. I feel a little unsettled about that. Looking back I wonder if I could have done more, but I can’t look back now. The time is already gone and time is something I cannot get back. I have learned that regret only keeps you from moving forward. And moving forward is what I’m about. As we approach the Christmas Holiday Season, enjoy it! If you are feeling a little bummed about your life, or perhaps there are changes going on in your life that you are not in control of (like mine), why not get your thoughts off of you? This time of the year is so special. It's a time to show kindness and a time to be grateful for your life, no matter what is going on. Why not find a local food bank where you can help serve a meal, clean out your closet and donate some clothing to a charity, make someone in need a dinner, or start calling friends or family and check in on them; see how they are doing. Trust me, when you get your mind off of you, you have no choice but to move forward. A positive attitude coupled with faith will equal a successful outcome.

Cheers,

JUJU

CONTINUE ON

A woman once fretted over the usefulness of her life.  She feared she was wasting her potential being a devoted wife and mother.  She wondered if the time and energy she invested in her husband and children would make a difference. At times she got discourage because so much of what she did seemed to go unnoticed and unappreciated. “Is there something better that I could be doing with my time?”

It was during one of these moments of questioning that she heard the still small voice of her heavenly Father speak to her heart, “You are a wife and a mother, because that is what I have called you to be.  Much of what you do is hidden from the public eye. But I notice.  Most of what you give is done without any rewards. But I am your reward.  Your husband cannot be the man I have called him to be without your support. Your influence upon him is greater than you think and more powerful than you will ever know.  I bless him through your service and honor him through your love.  Your children are precious to me; even more precious than they are to you.  I have entrusted them to your care; to raise for me.  What you invest in them is an offering to me.  You may never be in the public spotlight, but, your obedience shines as a bright light before me.  Continue on. Remember you are my servant. Do all to please me.”

By Roy Lessin

Keep your Irons in the Fire!

It’s been a couple of months since I have blogged. I can’t believe how busy life can get. I seem to feel as if it will never slow down and I’m just fine with that. I love life! I love waking up every day and being excited for the good that is to come, for the good people and good opportunities that will come my way.  

Well, I’m finally back on an exercise regimen. I have been walking 6 miles a day and I feel great! Two of those miles are up a big hill. By the time I reach the top I can barely breathe. The payoff is walking back down and enjoying the fabulous view of the valley. I can see all the trees, homes, buildings and if I go out really early, I get to see the lights go off as the sun rises. It truly starts my day off on the bright side. It makes me so grateful for my life. I know there is so much going on in the world today but I really believe that people can change their lives if they would only see the good in it. God is so beautiful when you allow HIM to walk you through life. It is when we decide to leave HIS plan when we mess it all up.

I remember when I was in high school and my friends were drinking and staying out all night and how I slowly began to follow. I left the plan that I knew would bring me success. As time went by I began dating the wrong guy. He began using drugs and boy did he change! He became physically abusive and I was so afraid of him! I was too young for that life and I didn’t know how to get out of it. It left its scars on my life but I was determined to get back on track. I failed to see the good that was in my life at the time. I lost sight of my goals and dreams. I should have stayed the course and….well, no need to look back now.

Although I’ll never forget what happened to me, I can now use my experience to reach out to teen girls and speak to them about choosing to stay in HIS plan. I can teach them how to keep their “Irons in the Fire.” 

Many of you have read my book and know that that story is just one in my life. I am so thankful for God’s forgiveness. He restored me, my life, my heart and blessed me with a wonderful husband, two fabulous kids and two dogs. 

For that I sing this song by Teena Marie as I walk my six miles. (I changed some words to fit me.  I wonder how loud I’m singing. Oh well, the neighborhood will know me as that weird lady that sings as she walks….)

People say I've got my hands in too many things
Keeping time with paupers just as well as kings
I toss my head up to the silver sky
And then I say, look at all the blessings in my life

Here I am trying to make a change
Born into this world, going against all odds

I close my eyes and still somehow I feel
You're here with me, and you are such a blessing in my life

Here I am, I'm just a fragment of my God
Heavenly father, hear me
Sometimes life gets so hard
With you as my desire
Spirit's gonna build me higher
I've got to keep my irons in the fire

Irons in the Fire by Teena Marie

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtRENjqkdQ4

I wish every day was a happy day

I'm back! I went to New York and had a blast! I was interviewed (3 seconds) by Sam Champion from Good Morning America, and I met Ann Curry and was able to give her my book in person! I ate way too much pizza and walked so much that my feet still have not recouped! It was a great trip and I can't wait to go back. Then I got home.  All the worries, responsibilities, whirlwind of activities, chores, appointments, the kids, the husband and so on. I finally crashed today.  These last two weeks it seemed as if the world was against me.

Today I woke up knowing that I had to blog because I have been away too long. But how was I going to write when everything was wrong. I didn't feel happy and my hope in the future seemed bleak. I couldn't snap out of it and I really had to "dig deep" to find that speck of positivity that I have learned to love and live with. Now, I really do get it when people say, "dig deep!" Sometimes things happen, or someone does something to you that is out of your control, and they/it makes you react in a certain way. Or do they/it? I always say that we are responsible for our actions. I always say to respond not react. Boy, was I being tested!  My only alternative was to turn to the good word. (shorten verses-you can look them up)

Mathew 6:33 Seek first the kingdom of God and all His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you. 

Deuteronomy 7:12-15 Because you listen to these rules and keep them, God will love you, bless you and multiply you..

Mark 5:34 Daughter, your faith has made you well, go in peace - your suffering is over.

Dig deep! So this is what I wrote to myself:

God created me to be happy, healthy and victorious in everything! I was meant to have an amazing life. Everyday! What goes wrong then? I feel I leave His plan. I leave His word and I go off on my own. 

You see, I believe we were not meant to struggle. Of course we do at times but it is not natural. When we are struggling with something, we feel as if we are swimming against the river. That is not normal. If  life was supposed to be so bad, then what was the purpose of life? So let's get real - we all have struggled or suffered in some way. And I say, "so what!" What are you going to do about it? Every morning we have a choice to start the day with good thoughts or bad thoughts. There are only two. These past two weeks I have failed to fill myself with goodness. Trust me, I fought the negativity but it was rough.  I had more bad thoughts than good and it got the best of me. This afternoon, I was finally able to break through and change my thinking. I put on some good music, prayed, gave thanks over and over for my life and every single blessing from my car to the sandwich I ate. We have the power to change our situation if we would only learn to tap into the spirit of God, his goodness, his great way of thinking, his beauty and his love.

So to these last two weeks of poop, I say, "bon voyage, hasta la vista baby!" I'm back and I am thankful for everything I have. And, I'm thankful for my fingers that allow me to type this for you......

JUJU

On this 4th of July, I wish you all health, happiness and good eating! We are blessed to live in America- Land of the free. To all our Military member, I salute you for your service.

Juju