December 21, 2011 by Wesley Perkins  (click to see a picture)

 

I  have PTSD

I was a Marine and I was a soldier

I served my country with honor, both in peacetime as well as in war

I’ve been called “hero” but I simply followed orders

I did so voluntarily, for tradition and to serve our great nation

The “heroes” are my fallen brothers and sisters who will never return home

Not a day goes by that I don’t see their faces and hear their voices

Not a night goes by without the same

I scream the same question, over and over every day, yet no one can hear

Why did I get to come back? I’m nobody special

I see the pain in the faces of families of the fallen

They are sons, daughters, wives and husbands

They will never again get to see their loved ones, as I get to do every day

What makes me so special?

I want so bad to take their pain away, but there is nothing i can do

I can’t help but constantly remember….that could’ve been me

I used to love to sleep at night

But now i know that’s when the demons come

My wife, she loves me, yet cannot sleep with me at night

I wake startled in the middle of the night…….it’s so dark and quiet and no one to say…”It’s all right”

I have to take a pill every night and hope….will I sleep well tonight?

I already know the answer…it’s going to be a fight.

I try to talk about it, but the words are hard to come by

I push the ones who love me away and think I’m protecting them

All the while screaming for their loving embrace

This thing I have, it strains my marriage

it threatens to take what little I have

I want to scream “Please help me!”

But i don’t know how to do that

I have been laughed at for having this, even by those I thought I could trust

When people ask and I tell them I’m a disabled veteran, I see their eyes gaze up and down

I wonder what they are thinking, so then I explain it yet again

Not all wounds are visible; this one is hardest to treat

I see my counselors and talk to other vets, those who will understand

I know i will have this for the rest of my life

And so i cope with it, morning, noon and night

I hope everyone reads this, and maybe someone it will help

Because it takes a lot of courage to stand up and say……

“I have PTSD….can someone please help?”

Wesley Perkins is an Operation Iraq Freedom and Operation Enduring Freedom Veteran. In his free time, he speaks to students and others about PTSD and its effects on Veterans and their families.

WHAT CHANGES ARE YOU FACING? NO REGRETS, PLEASE!

December is here. Where did the year go? Are you satisfied with what you’ve accomplished in 2011? Did you fail at certain things? Did you procrastinate and are now realizing that the year is nearly over? Don’t you hate when that happens? There are things I wanted to do this year too, but I never got around to them. I feel a little unsettled about that. Looking back I wonder if I could have done more, but I can’t look back now. The time is already gone and time is something I cannot get back. I have learned that regret only keeps you from moving forward. And moving forward is what I’m about. As we approach the Christmas Holiday Season, enjoy it! If you are feeling a little bummed about your life, or perhaps there are changes going on in your life that you are not in control of (like mine), why not get your thoughts off of you? This time of the year is so special. It's a time to show kindness and a time to be grateful for your life, no matter what is going on. Why not find a local food bank where you can help serve a meal, clean out your closet and donate some clothing to a charity, make someone in need a dinner, or start calling friends or family and check in on them; see how they are doing. Trust me, when you get your mind off of you, you have no choice but to move forward. A positive attitude coupled with faith will equal a successful outcome.

Cheers,

JUJU